There’s a reason they’re called non-profits

It’s because these morons probably couldn’t turn a profit if their lives depended on it (fortunately for them, it’s not their lives, but the lives of those less fortunate, that actually do depend on it).

To explain why I’m writing about this, I’ll just summarize part of my Friday morning (aka “my day off”)

7:15 a.m. Wake up (I’m just used to waking up early, and there’s always sooooo much to do)

7:15 – 9:00 Brush, shower, check email, surf the web, eat breakfast, buy some stuff from Staples, get some coffee from 7-11 (very good coffee, at less than half the price of Starfucks)

9:00 – 10:00 Drive to Deloitte’s office downtown for volunteer training. Pay $12 to park. For volunteer training. I’ve already spent more money than I did yesterday. Fantastic.

10:00 Show up at the 18th floor of Deloitte’s office for training. Here’s where the non-profit comes in. Junior Achievement is the name of the non-profit organizing this training session and next week’s volunteer event at a local elementary school. The training session is scheduled for 10-11a.m.

10:05 Continue to sit there, chatting with classmates and some Deloitte employees. Still not being trained.

10:10 The “trainer” passes out some registration forms. Tells us that we will all be getting “kits” which include the materials we need for the activities. Tells us that some of the kits are not yet available (e.g. for those of us who will be assigned to teach the 3rd graders). We fill out the registration form (as well as signing a form promising not to have any inappropriate contact with the students. Why don’t Congressmen have to sign such forms????)

10:15 More disarray. Start chatting with neighbors a little more. Send a couple text messages. Enjoy my $12 diet coke.

10:20 We start getting “assigned” to various grades. First I’m randomly assigned 5th grade and given a kit; instructed NOT to open the kit.

10:25 Done with my diet coke. Go to the restroom and get a bottle of water. Lowers the average cost of my “free” beverages to $6 each.

10:35 I am unassigned from 5th grade. We are instructed that the UCLA students there are NOT to take any kits home with us – they are for the Deloitte employees (each of us is partnered with a Deloitte employee). How are we supposed to read the materials and know exactly what we’re supposed to do when we get there?

10:40 I realize the Deloitte employee I’m sitting next to might not be able to show up next week at the actual volunteering event. So, I’m left without a partner. Story of my fucking life.

10:45 I’m assigned to the 3rd grade, and to a partner who happens to be a classmate, not a Deloitte employee. She’s not here (she went to an earlier training session, I HOPE). Does she have a kit? I wonder.

10:50 Training starts. Woohoo! Finally!!!

10:55 The trainer acknowledges that she only has five more minutes. Leaves the floor open for questions. Gives logistical instructions for next week.

11:00 I leave. Having received five minutes of training. Realize I won’t be able to read any of the materials in the kit before the training session because I don’t have a fucking kit.

Oh. Did I mention I missed a chance to see Bill Clinton speak at UCLA so I could attend this training session?