See - I don't TOTALLY hate fat people

Sure, you all know I'm not the biggest fan. So when I first saw the headline and link to this clip, I kinda laughed. But then I actually watched the clip, learning that this elephant was the little boy's uncle, and that he clearly had great intentions and a lot of love for this boy. I've heard of activist judges, but this is a little ridiculous. It would be one thing if this guy actually had diabetes or sleep apnea or whatever already, or maybe if he was on the border of not being able to take care of himself, let alone a little boy. But it seems that wasn't the case, and this judge should be sent walking.

Flashback to a Previous Life

After spending the weekend in New Jersey (NOT NYC, unfortunately), some classmates and I were scheduled to fly back on a 9pm flight that would get us back to LAX at just past midnight. I figured that would get me in bed by 1 or 1:30, and, when combined with the sleep that I’d get on the plane, I could wake up at my usual 5 o’clock and be down but not out for the workday on Monday.

Of course, this plan quickly went awry when we were delayed multiple times. First, a gate change. Then, a delay at the gate. Finally, we board and I’m sitting comfortably (loose use of the word) in my aisle seat. Then another delay on the tarmac. Damn!!! I was convinced that, due to all the noise regulations that dictate when planes can and can’t land and take-off, we would end up spending the night on the East Coast and catching a God-awful 6am back. This happened to me a couple years back, and our plane was forced to land in Buffalo due to bad weather in NYC. Even with Seinfeld reruns and room service potato skins, there’s not much fun about spending a night in Buffalo, believe me. Fortunately, things turned out better this time, and we managed to get out of there, finally landing at LAX around 1:45 a.m. “Sweet!”, I think to myself. I can be in bed by 2:45 if this all works out OK.

Of course, it does not all work out OK. It took forever and a day for our bags to come out, and, despite the efforts of an aggressive cabbie speeding down the 405 and the 10, my head did not hit my pillow until around 3:15 a.m. That 5 a.m. alarm is looking awfully close.

So I woke up Monday morning on a few hours of beer-induced plane sleep and a couple hours of toss-and-turn sleep at home (tossing and turning mainly because I was stressed out about how little sleep I was gonna get, which, yes, I know, is counterproductive). It reminded me of my previous life as an investment banker, when working 10 or 12 or even 14 hours after just a few hours of sleep was not an uncommon way of life. Of course, I was in my early 20’s back then, before my liver and brain had suffered the lagged damage caused my mass consumption of alcohol and association with below-average-intelligence friends. So I was very curious to see how my mind and body would respond to these adverse conditions. In honor of Bill Simmons and his comedic running diaries of the annual NBA Draft, the following is a summary of my day:

5:50 a.m. – After grabbing my coffee on the way to work, I’m driving East on Santa Monica Blvd. towards the office. Multiple cars in adjacent lanes seem to be off-track and keep venturing dangerously over the line a good 6-12 inches into mine. I’m pretty sure that this is really happening, and that it’s not just the lack of sleep playing tricks on my eyes. In any event, I am relieved when I arrive to work safely. Since I’ll never know whether or not those cars were actually in my lane, I have to call this one a draw.

6:15 a.m. – I am conscious enough to go through my work emails and process them appropriately, including doing some quick analysis and sending a reply to an email from my boss. Yatin 1, lack of sleep 0.

6:30 a.m. – I spill close to half of my Honey Nut Cheerios (milk included) all over my desk. Tie game.

7:30 a.m. – On my way back from the restroom, I bump into the Xerox machine. Lack of sleep 1.5, Yatin 1. I figured there was a 50/50 shot that I’d bump into the Xerox even if I had gotten enough sleep, so I can’t give it a full point.

9 a.m. – “Is it really only 9 a.m.???” I think to myself as I finish coffee #3.

11:27 a.m. – Just got coffee #5. It’s a “half-caff” though and will most likely be my last of the day. Things are looking up. I’m being pretty productive, though likely not operating at 100% of capacity. I’m at about the halfway point of the workday. My boss is off at some meeting or appointment, potentially for the rest of the day. I’ve refrained from attacking any of the quick, pick-me-up sugary snacks available in the kitchen. Yatin 2, lack of sleep 1.5

3:47 p.m. – I’ve made it. Pretty much anyways. I’ve read some research and built a DCF model with “Base”, “Bear” and “Bull” cases (talk about flashbacks to being a banker), which is the main thing I wanted to accomplish today, although I probably could have done more. I even managed to run out and deposit my last paycheck and the long-overdue money I was owed from Atur’s bachelor party. I’ll be out of here in less than an hour. It might seem a small accomplishment, but I’m quite proud of having made it through today without falling asleep at my desk or causing any major accidents – the Cheerios incident notwithstanding. I even have the energy to go to the gym for a workout, but instead I have a lot of errands to run and figure I deserve a day off. Maybe 27 isn’t so old after all. Maybe.

Donwfall of a Another Superpower?

The Lakers and Celtics haven't won anything in a while (and no, Javaris Crittenton and Ray Allen are not changing that). The football powerhouse 49ers and Raiders continue to stink up the Bay Area (should have drafted Aaron Rodgers and Matt Leinart, respectively). Even the ultimate deficit spender, the Yankees, are below .500 and look unlikely to make the playoffs. Now this. Sure, they can screen out random brown people at the airport and wiretap innocent people's phones without warrants, but, hey, you can buy do-it-yourself nuke kits! (just a matter of time before you can "Buy it Now" on eBay). My parents (and likely many of yours) moved to the U.S. to get a better life for their children. With the morons we have on top these days, I wonder where I'll be moving ten years from now to brighten my own kids' future.

Back in the Office

So I guess it’s been a while since my last post. And even longer since my last non-current event post (man, I REALLY wanted to write about Bush commuting the jail sentence of Scooter “I Can Reveal CIA Secrets and Avoid Jail Because I Used to Work for the Most Powerful Person in American Politics (Dick Cheney)” Libby, but I resisted for the benefit of my readers).

I guess one of the reasons I haven’t been posting much lately is because, well, I’ve been busy. Translation: I’m no longer in school (temporarily) and I’m back at a desk, in business casual clothes (the goatee is here to stay though) working my skinny ass off. My first year of the MBA program ended a few weeks ago, and after taking nothing more than a 3-day weekend off to recover, I was in the office, doing my thing (no, “my thing” does not refer to beating off, getting bosses’ coffee, or surfing the web…OK, a little surfing the web).

I’m spending the summer at a hedge fund in Century City. There’s been two big adjustments – one expected, one quite surprising - I’ve had to make, since it had been close to a year since my last day at my previous job. The predictable, not-getting-any-easier adjustment has been waking up at 5 a.m., NOT to work out, but to get my ass to work by 6 (market hours!!!). Needless to say, this is especially tough after a weekend in Vegas where the average go-to-bed time was around 4 a.m.

The bigger, surprising adjustment has been having to get used to a job that I actually enjoy. That’s right. I’m not just talking about the money (good, but not great), the location (right by the Century City Mall), or the perks (free lunch, snacks, soda and all the gum one can possibly consume), but the actual work itself. Researching industries and companies, meeting with management teams, and deciding in which companies to invest and not to invest has actually been interesting to me, compared to my prior (higher-paying) jobs of tedious number crunching and word processing.

Now that I may have actually found something that I can enjoy doing for a long time coming, I sure as f*ck hope I turn out to be good at it. More on that in about two months. Until then, Happy Fourth!