“The James Bond of Laundry”

“So, anybody leaves anything here, you can just take it? You have a license to steal? You are like the James Bond of laundry?”
The above is a quote from one of the very first episodes of Seinfeld. Don’t worry – this isn’t another Seinfeld-centric post like the one about Michael Richards. Rather, it’s a laundry-centric post, (dry cleaners to be specific, but they also do wash and fold laundry, so I figure it’s all the same).

The story begins last Monday, when I dropped off some clothes at the dry cleaners (Flair Cleaners, on Montana and Lincoln) – a suit, some slacks, a bunch of dress shirts. You might ask why I have so much dry cleaning given that I’m a student in Los Angeles. Sometimes I wonder the same damn thing when I’m sitting in a company presentation or at a networking event. But so is the life on an MBA student. I’ve signed up for it, first quarter tuition is paid, and most importantly, I quit my job. So I don’t really have much of a choice.

Fast forward past the Thanksgiving holiday to Saturday. Knowing I have a couple “dress for success” type events in the coming week, I make a quick run to Flair to pick up said dry cleaning. I give the cashier my 3 tickets (why can cleaners never seem to consolidate a large order on a single ticket?), and he goes off to the “conveyor belt” to retrieve my clothes. He comes back shortly with my shirts, but no slacks or suit. “I also dropped off a suit and some slacks,” I say. He looks at the ticket once again, and goes back to the conveyor belt. A few minutes pass. My first “Jesus F*cking Christ” comes in a soft whisper to myself. A few more minutes pass. “What’s going on?” I ask. “The suit isn’t where it’s supposed to be,” is the reply. No f*cking kidding. It’s been 5 minutes. The suit is SUPPOSED to be hanging from the hooks in the backseat of my car by now. This time the “Jesus F*cking Christ” is loud enough for another customer to turn, look at me, and roll my eyes in a Mel Gibson kinda way. The guy then asks if I wanna wait while they look for it. I assume this is a 10-20 minute process at worst, so I decide to wait it out. After ten minutes, I temporarily give up and head to Vons to pick up some alcohol. For later that night, I promise. I even tried to play the karma game, buying a chocolate bar from a girl scout for the outrageous price of $2.50. Return to the cleaners. Nada. I wait for a few more minutes, when some other guy tells me the first guy is looking at some video to figure out where they put my suit. Now, I’m no IT expert – but wouldn’t it be easier to track the location of clothes with some sort of computer system rather than a soon-to-be-out-of-our-vocabulary “VHS system”? Increasingly frustrated and impatient and due at my sister’s in an hour to hang with the family, I tell the guy to call me when they find my suit and storm off.

Sunday, 11:30 a.m.: Having not heard yet from the brainiacs at Flair yet, I give them a call to check in. A woman answers, I explain the situation quickly, and she puts me on hold to go look for the suit. She comes back a minute later saying “The ticket has a location on it, but the suit isn’t there.” Really? You think? She tells me she’ll start looking for it. This infuriates me. “So does this mean if I didn’t call you guys right now to check on my suit, that no one would ever start looking for it?” She explains that she just got in, and the guys from Saturday didn’t leave a note. Thanks a lot. She tells me she’ll look for it and call me when she found it. Needless to say, my confidence is waning.

Monday, 8 a.m.: Having (unsurprisingly) not heard from the cleaners on Sunday, I call them again. Different woman, same answer. My clothes have not been found. “Is anyone currently looking for them?” “No.” “So, if I hadn’t called right now, you guys would have just not looked for it and not called me?” “I just got in, and no one told me about this.” “I need to speak to a manager, because obviously unless I keep calling you guys, no one is going to ever look for my suit.” “The manager will be in in an hour.” “Thanks.” (click)

Monday, 9:50 a.m.: I call ONCE AGAIN. The same woman tells me that she has not been able to find my clothes. I demand to speak to the manager who, believe it or not, is actually in. I feel like progress is being made! I again ask why the hell they seem to stop looking for my clothes repeatedly until I call them. Now, I am told that my clothes likely got mixed up with those of another customer. They have apparently tried to contact this (likely fictional) customer twice but have not heard back. On top of this, the prick basically tells me to wait for them to call me, and for me to stop calling so often. I guess he doesn’t realize why I might view missing clothes as a bit of a problem. He remains “confident” that this “customer” has my clothes and that they will be recovered – if not, I will be compensated. For whatever reason, I’m not as confident as the manager that my clothes will ever be seen again. Nor am I confident that they will reimburse me for the amount that I paid for the clothes. Am I really supposed to keep my receipt for a 3-year old suit? (Sidenote: did the guy/girl who supposedly has my suit just intend to keep it? Like, “Sweet! Free suit!” Good luck fitting into a 36-regular.)

Tuesday, 5 p.m.: The time is now. I haven’t heard from the cleaners since I last called them yesterday morning. I don’t even have the energy to bitch on a daily basis anymore, so I’m gonna take today off, save up the rage, and have fun with it tomorrow morning. Oh, did I mention that this is currently my only suit, since I seem to have misplaced the pants to my other suit? Please save the obvious “missing pants” jokes. They’re not at my boyfriend’s place, or in a strip club somewhere in Vegas. Maybe they’re at your mom’s house.

Something I’m Thankful For

Apologies for the late “Thanksgiving” post, but I’ve spent the last couple of days at the ‘rents, where internet access is, well, nonexistent. Admittedly, that’s one thing I’m thankful for. I find myself much more productive and relaxed when I’m away from the Web for a couple of days, even though I find myself regularly checking my email on my cellphone, buying the newspaper to stay on top of current events, and glued to ESPNEWS for the latest in sports. I still figure I save at least an hour or two a day by avoiding Google Chat, mindless email exchanges, and moderately insightful columns on espn.com

Anyways, back to the inspiration for this post. As I sit here, it’s Thursday morning, and I’m enjoying the LA Times (to the extent the LA Times can be enjoyed), my morning 7-11 coffee, and watching the Lions vs. the Dolphins in the opener of a NFL Thanksgiving TRIPLEHEADER (I guess that’s the second thing I’m thankful for).

So I was just reading a story in the Times, about how, effective January 23, US citizens traveling from Canada, Mexico, and most Caribbean islands, must present passports to re-enter the US. Previously, citizens have simply needed to show driver’s licenses or another form of photo ID. Honestly, until reading this story, I didn’t even know there were these current exemptions. Why should people be allowed to go to ANY other country without having to show a passport upon return? Although I guess this policy must slightly reduce the enormous number of people crossing our “protected” borders illegally. (sidenote: now that the elections are over, can Congress PLEASE get moving on overhauling our immigration policy?)

So the REAL inspiration for this longer-than-I-expected post is the following quote: “The Department of Homeland Security estimates that one in four Americans already has a passport”. One in four! 25%! I found this statistic amazing. My first overseas trip was when I was 5, when my family and I went on a Mexican cruise. I realize now that I probably didn’t need a passport for that trip, nor for our visit to Eastern Canada when I was 7. But by the age of 9, I MUST have had a passport, because we went to Australia, New Zealand, Fiji and Tahiti (yeah, I was kinda spoiled as a kid, and in hindsight really wish I was mature enough to appreciate these trips, but, hey, I was freaking 9 years old!). So to think that 3 out of 4 American citizens have not left the continent legally simply amazes me, and makes me thankful for the opportunities I’ve had to travel. I mean, I’m only 26 years old (liberal use of the term “only”) and I’ve already been to 19 countries on 5 continents (hoping to add South America very soon and Antarctica never). Sometimes I take for granted how lucky I’ve been, and then I come across an article in the Times, which makes me realize how red-necked and land-locked the rest of my fellow citizens are.

Happy (belated) Thanksgiving everyone.

Disappointing

I'm sure many of you have already heard/read about Michael Richards' (aka Kramer) recent racial tirade.

All I can say is "disgusting". I had read the NY Times article about the controversy but wanted to watch the video as well before writing this, to make sure I was going in with full information. But I actually had to stop within 30 seconds of the video because I couldn't stand what I was seeing.

You all know I'm a HUGE Seinfeld fan. And, like all Seinfeld fans, Kramer is one of the biggest, if not the biggest, reason why I watch the show religously on weekdays between 10-11pm rather than studying or doing anything else productive.

As far as I know, Richards has yet to apologize for his despicable display of racial insensitivity. I can only imagine what kind of drugs/alcohol he might have been on at the time, but clearly there's no excuse for what he's done, and no apology can rectify it. It's really sad to see one of the stars of such a ground-breaking, outside-the-box series revert back to traditional, historical stereotypes and epithets. While I can never give up Seinfeld, I'm staging my version of a sit-in tonight, and boycotting the 10-11pm episodes. Maybe I'll actually get some work done.

Title IX is in full effect...

OK, that was a lame and probably sexist reference to the fact that US Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) is set to become the first female Speaker of the House, as the Democrats won more than enough seats last night to take control of the chamber. They might even surprise the political pundits (is the word "pundit" ever used without the word "political" before it?) and take the Senate.

I really don't have a whole lot to say about the election, but I figure most of you were expecting me to write something about it, so here goes.

Honestly, the first thing I thought when I realized Pelosi will be Speaker wasn't anything related to her gender. I was just happy that the leader of the House will be representing the great state of California. Hopefully the benefits she can bring Californians at the national level will offset the harm Arnie will do to us at the state level.

Speaking of Californians, sometimes I just don't understand them. They're overwhelmingly Democrats and socially liberal. Yet they continue to elect Republican governors. And yesterday they passed a massive $40+ billion bond bill to fund transportation, housing, schools, and levees. Yet they voted against several tax hikes, including some that would seem relatively popular - a tax on oil companies and a tax on cigarette purchases. Econ lesson - "sin" taxes like those on cigs and liquor are good. Why? Because it doesn't matter how much cigs or alcohol costs. People still buy them. Hence, high tax revenues for the government. To fund, I dunno, maybe transportation, housing, schools, and levees. Now who do you think will be paying off the $40+ billion in bonds? If you said you (assuming you're relatively young, and a Californian) and me, congratulations, you're a winner. I voted against all but one of the bonds and now I'll be stuck paying the bills if I ever finish school and actually get a job. Thanks voters.

Incumbent George Allen (R-VA) is locked neck-in-neck with Jim Webb for a Senate seat. Allen, for those of you that don't follow politics, is the guy who referred to one of Webb's Indian staffers as "macaca" (a breed of monkey) a few months back. Just the kinda guy we need in D.C. Allen's currently trailing by a mere 6,000 votes, and will almost certainly demand a recount if he's declared the loser. Note to Allen: You're a loser, and you'll always be a loser.

Minnesotans elected the country's first Muslim Congressmen. Good for them. I'm extremely surprised that there had never been a Muslim in Congress before.

7 more states passed gay marriage bans, bringing the total to 27 (Arizonans defeated a gay marriage ban). Again, I ask, WHO THE F*CK CARES???!!!

I also have to eat a little crow for a previous post. In Missouri, voters approved a stem-cell research measure, as Michael J. Fox apparently trumpets Jeff Suppan and Kurt Warner.

Now, we wait for the official results. And then the stalemate between Bush and Congress begins.

Happy Anniversary

To me. Today marks the one-year anniversary of my blog. In my humble opinion, I think the blog (and myself, for that matter) have come quite a ways in 12 months. Looking back on my earliest blog entries, there was a list of my favorite drinks (which for the most part has stayed the same, although I never drink G&T’s anymore), a recap of my trip to the Bay Area, some “Random Thoughts”, and a tribute to Chango (one of my personal favorite posts of all time).

More recent entries have been my diatribes on business school, politics, the idiocacy of non-profit organizations and their staffs, and a lot of travel notes (generally much more insightful than the “I spent 48 hours straight drunk off my ass in Vegas”).

Similarly, in the real world, I’ve progressed quite a bit. Then: drunk finance-industry employee going to work, collecting paychecks, and not remembering most of the weekends. Now: drunk business school student going to class, collecting (hopefully) good grades, and not remembering most of the weekends. Damn. I guess some things never change. But in all seriousness, a lot’s happened since then. I got into business school (and got rejected by some), said goodbye to New York, hello to London for a few months, welcomed my beautiful baby niece Mia into the world, climbed one tall-ass mountain amongst other interesting African travels, moved to LA, bought a sweet little ride, had a football thrown at (not “to”) me by some drunk hick in Knoxville, moved into an apartment in my dream location, and started business school. So I guess it only follows that I would have more interesting things to write about.

I want to take this opportunity to thank all my readers. I know there’s not a lot of you, but many have been loyal, regular readers since Day One. Others have been more sporadic – it’s you people that I have in mind when I write. I hope to be interesting/smart/thought-provoking/entertaining enough to turn you into regulars as well.

Here’s to another good year ahead.